Missing You Crazy
by Follow-The-Firefly
Summary: I wasn't going to let him go without letting him know how I feel. Akuroku. Inspired by How Do You Sleep by Jesse McCartney. oneshot. Rated T for Teen.


**Disclaimer: If I owned KH, this wouldn't happen.**

**Hallo! It's Xero! I came up with this story after hearing _How Do You Sleep?_ from Jesse McCartney during senior week while I was at the beach. This is my first shot at writing something from Axel's POV, so it might be uber bad. Don't be suprised if it is, but I HAD to write this. That being said, let the deadly tale begin!**

I walk into my room in the middle of the night, stumbling through the darkness. I've just returned from a month-long mission in Neverland stalking Captain Hook. Talk about a boring mission, right?

And it was a pointless mission, too. I don't know why Xemnas had me tail the guy in the first place. I mean, does he _really _care about some pirate's poker games with other pirates who smell like they haven't bathed in years?

Xemnas is loosing his mind, if you ask me.

All I know is that I'm happy to see my room. And I'm glad that Demyx didn't come in and mess up my cds. I don't know if you know this, but Demyx is well known for rearranging things. Especially my cds. One day I decided to listen to the Grateful Dead and found that they had been replaced with Xaldin's Scottish polka. I mean, who does that? But as I look at my cd rack, I find that none of the cds have been moved. This is a good thing, as you can tell.

I don't bother turning on the light since I'm planning on going to bed and falling asleep. I'm just too exhausted to do anything else. As soon as I hit the bed, I hear a crunching sound from underneath me. I feel around the covers and find a sheet of paper.

Well, I'm going to have to turn the light on now, won't I? Great.

As I turn on the light, my eyes narrow, obviously showing their protest to the increased brightness of the room. After waiting for a few minutes for my eyes to adjust to the light, I look at the paper and see Roxas' handwriting.

_Meet me in Havoc's Divide._

He didn't sign it, but I can recognize my boyfriend's handwriting anywhere. I don't really want to do anything right now, but I know for a fact that I want to see Roxas.

When I enter Havoc's Divide, I find Roxas waiting for me, a strange expression in his eyes. It's an expression that I can't figure out. When he sees me, his eyes don't change.

"What's up, Roxas?" I ask him.

I try to wrap my arms around him, but he moves away from me, leaving me confused. Roxas never cared if I hugged him before. Something must be bothering him.

"What's wrong?" I ask him, my eyes probably showing how confused I am.

"Where were you?" Roxas asks, his voice border-lining between anger and concern.

"I had a month-long mission in Neverland." I answer, giving him the space he obviously needs.

"Why didn't I know about it?" Roxas demands.

"It was an urgent assignment from Xemnas." I run my fingers through my hair. "He woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me."

"Uh-huh." Roxas doesn't seem convinced.

"What's up?" I ask.

"How do I know that's what you've _really_ been doing?" Roxas wonders.

"What else would I be doing?" I frown, wondering where he's going with this conversation.

"What do _you_ think?" Roxas sends one of his infamous glares in my direction.

"What are you talking about, blue eyes?" Now I'm_ really _confused.

"Don't call me that." Roxas says coldly.

Have I unknowingly done something to upset him? Whatever it is, God knows I didn't mean to do it.

"Why can't I call you that?" I ask. "You've never complained about it before."

"Axel, I'm not sure what to think anymore." Roxas sighs.

"What do you mean?" I frown.

"You've been acting really weird lately." Roxas tells me. "You keep leaving for months at a time."

"So?" I question.

"You never used to do that before." For some reason, Roxas isn't looking me in the eye.

"It's not my fault Xemnas keeps sending me on missions, Roxas." I tell him. "And it's not like I like them."

Neither of us says anything for a few seconds. Roxas is looking at the ground, clearly not wanting to look at me. Then I figure out what he's trying to tell me. His stance gives everything away.

"Do you think I'm cheating on you, Roxas?" I ask him.

He doesn't say anything, but silence can be telling. And Roxas' silence is speaking volumes.

"How can you think I'd do that?" I demand in disbelief. "You're my life, Roxas."

"How ironic, since we don't have hearts." Roxas says coldly.

"Don't bring that up." I snap. "I love you more than you can possibly imagine, Roxas. Why would I give up our relationship? For anything?"

"You're unpredictable, Axel." Roxas says, his cerulean eyes sad. "I learned that a long time ago."

"Do you not love me anymore, Roxas?" I ask him.

"I never said that I don't love you." Roxas says, brushing his hair from his eyes.

"Then why are you breaking up with me?" I ask.

"I never said that, either." Roxas folds his arms in front of his chest.

"That's what you're planning to do, isn't it?" My voice is sadder that I'd like to admit.

"You know I don't want to do this, Axel." Roxas says.

"Then why are you?" I demand.

"Because I have to." Roxas answers.

"No, you don't." I tell him.

"Yes, I do." Roxas says. "I know that you may not be cheating on me, Axel, but this is a chance I have to take."

"Roxas, have the last three years meant nothing to you?" I ask him.

"You know they were the best times of my life." Roxas replies.

"And yet you want to end them?" I ask him.

"I have to." Roxas tells me and I can hear the sadness in his voice.

"Well, you know I'll always be waiting for you." I tell him. "You know that more than anyone."

"I'm so sorry I have to do this, Axel." Roxas says.

I don't respond. I'm already making my way out of Havoc's Divide. I tell myself that I can't get depressed about loosing Roxas. But I can't help the tear that escapes from my eye.

* * *

It's been nearly a year since that day. And boy, has it ever been a living hell for me.

Everyone could tell that something was wrong. We weren't acting like our usual selves. I was more depressed than I had ever been and Roxas was withdrawn.

We'd just ended a three year relationship. You'd have to be a fool _not_ to feel something.

I think they realized the truth when Roxas stopped coming over to my room in the middle of the night. He used to do that all the time when we were going out.

Damn, I _hate_ saying that.

"When we were going out". That's the one thing I never thought I'd say about Roxas. I always thought we'd last forever. Well, until I faded, anyway. Because I'd made up my mind when we started dating that I'd sacrifice myself to save him if I had to.

Xion and Demyx were the first to notice. Since they spend the most time with us, I guess they would notice that Roxas had broken up with me.

But I didn't see anyone for a week. All I did was lie in bed and think about why Roxas would think I was cheating on him.

I mean, I can see why he would. I was gone for months at a time. And I didn't always have time to call him and tell him where I was. I always wanted to, though.

Roxas, you know I hate being away from you, so why do you think I'd see someone else?

We still have nothing to do with each other. I hated it at first, but I started to think that maybe it's better for me to be away from him. Maybe it'll help me get over the fact that I lost him.

Xemnas decided that everyone must switch rooms for one reason or another, so that's what I'm doing now. I'm switching with Marluxia, so at least I get a room that smells good. Marluxia, being the botanist of the Organization, always has his room smelling like exotic flowers, which is nice.

I'll never admit it, though. Hey, I have a reputation to protect.

Zexion's going to get my old room. He's not going to like the fact that it smells like smoke, but you know what? He's going to have to deal with that.

I _hate _it when Xemnas decides to rearrange the rooms. While it doesn't happen very often, it's still a pain in the arse to deal with. At least I don't have a million crates of gunpowder and bullets to lug around the freaking Castle. Well, it's Xigbar's fault for being such a gun otaku.

I'm just glad that my chakram can be stored just about anywhere. It makes for some great pranks, let me tell you. I remember when I disguised one of my chakram as a chandelier and put it in Vexen's lab. He wasn't happy about that.

I can't imagine why.

I'm loading all of my cds into boxes, which is a lot harder than it sounds. I've finished all of the German industrial and am about to start on the Indian metal when I notice a sheet of paper on the floor. Frowning, I pick it up, wondering what it is.

It's a letter that Roxas sent to me when he was on a mission in Traverse Town. It was a mission with an undetermined length, which meant that it could last anywhere from a few hours to a year. He was supposed to be watching a healing facility, but he used his time to write a letter to me.

I read the words that he wrote me two years ago. They're still in the condition they were when Roxas sent the letter to me. And I can still smell him on the paper. It sounds weird, I know, but I can always find where Roxas is because he always wears this amazing cologne. And his smell is still on the letter.

But that was from a different time. That was when we were still going out, still loved each other.

Well, when _he _still loved _me. _I've loved him this whole time.

I keep staring at the letter, my mind reeling. Who says that we have to end it here? Who says that there's no hope for us?

I can't let him go without letting him know how I feel about this.

Granted, we've been apart for about a year now, so I think it's pretty much over already. But that's not going to stop me.

* * *

I find Roxas in Nothing's Call, sitting on one of the silver pillars. He's staring out into the raven-black sky, something we used to do together. As I get closer, he must hear my footsteps because he looks my direction. Once he sees me, though, he looks away.

This is going to be awkward. We've hardly spoken since we broke up a year ago and I'm trying to get back with him. There isn't anything in the world more awkward than this.

"I need to talk to you, Roxas." I join him on the pillars.

"I wanted to see you, too." He tells me.

"I think you know what this is about." I start.

"Same." Roxas nods.

"What do you mean?" I frown.

"I want to talk to you for the same reason." Roxas says, not looking me in the eye.

"I wasn't cheating on you." I tell him.

"I know." Roxas nods again.

"Then why did you…?" I narrow my eyebrows in confusion.

"I didn't realize until after we broke up and saw how you dealt with it." Roxas says. "I hate being the one to do that to you."

"You weren't doing so well, either." I tell him, wondering if I should be my usual flirtatious self or not.

"Really, Axel. Larxene said that she was going to electrocute you to the point of no return if you didn't get any better." Roxas says, a small smile forming on his lips, causing me to smile, too.

"It was that bad?" I didn't realize how depressed I was.

"I realized that you wouldn't really be that depressed if you were cheating on me." Roxas says, running his fingers through his hair.

"Saix was pretty depressed when Xaldin broke up with him." I point out.

"But he was nowhere near as depressed as you were." Roxas tells me. "Saix even admitted it."

"That's pretty bad." I smile and it feels like things had never changed between us.

"I don't really know what to say about this whole thing other than the fact that I was wrong." Roxas says. "I shouldn't have thought that you were seeing someone else and I'm sorry that I did."

"It's okay, though. I can see why you would think that." I reply. "Anyone would think the same."

"So what did you want to tell me?" Roxas wonders.

"You know how we're supposed to switch rooms, right?" I start.

"Mm-hm." Roxas nods.

"Well, I was moving my cds and I found this letter you wrote me." I say.

"Which cds?" Roxas asks.

"The Indian metal." I reply.

"Good stuff." Roxas grins. "So what about the letter?"

"It was the one you wrote me when you were in Traverse Town." I inform him.

"I've been on many missions in Traverse Town, Axel." Roxas says, brushing his hair from his eyes. "Which one?"

"The one with indefinite length." I say.

"Oh, _that _one." Roxas says. "What about it? The letter, I mean."

"I just remembered how I felt when I got it." I reply. "I mean, I wasn't expecting anything from you for a while and here you go and write me a letter."

"I thought you'd like it." Roxas shrugs. "And you did."

"I could still smell your cologne on the paper." I smile. "You always use too much of it."

"I like it, okay?" Roxas laughs, the first I've heard him do so in quite a long time.

"I do, too." I laugh as well. "But it just reminded me of when I was going out with you. I wanted to experience that again. This last year has been a living hell for me and I just want to get back with you, Roxas."

"I've been wanting that for a long time, Axel." Roxas tells me.

"Then why didn't you tell me?" I ask him.

"Because I didn't know how to say it, for one thing." Roxas starts. "And I didn't know what you'd say."

"Don't you remember what I told you?" I ask him. "I said that I'd always be waiting for you."

"And I guess you have been." Roxas says.

"Definitely." I nod.

"So can we try this again?" Roxas asks me.

"Do you really need to ask?" I smile as I kiss him on the lips.

"I didn't think I would." Roxas grins, kissing me back.

So we sit in Nothing's Call, kissing on top of the pillars. The last year was a year that I wish I could forget. But it doesn't matter now because the one I love is with me again. Nothing is better than that.

**So there was a happy ending! I know it would've made more sense for Roxas to tell the story, but then it wouldn't sound right. Anyway, I hope it wasn't too awful. Reviews equal love! Thanks for reading!**


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